Addicted

You are wrong for me

A primal attraction

A fond memory

A sly smile

An intentional mistake

A crazy ride

You are the eternal ‘comma’ in my life, neither the alpha nor the omega

Never missed

Never yearned

You weave into my life of blues, like a crazy yellow

A desire, camouflaged as hope.

Bringing ripples of lost laughter, pleasure and pain

Whispering in my ears

Feeling my heart race

Freeing me from my fears

For that instant, you make my life perfect and I hate you for that

-Never yours never apart, LJ

Can we be friends?

The worst thing one can ever do to a friendship is, turn it into a romantic relationship.

Why is it that two FRIENDS, who completely and genuinely understand each other, boast about having similar frequencies and mind sets, who forgive each others faults and errors instantly and ungrudgingly, love spending time with each other, who believe in a hassle free life, overnight, turn into each others nightmares, as soon as they utter these words- “Lets take this a step further and get into a relationship”?

Every single day is a challenge, after this. Every meeting, ends with a fight and the next one has to start with where you left off. There is absolutely no room for error. Oh boy, one single word can explode into a world war scale fight, followed by weeks of Cold war, ofcourse. Nothing you do or say is right. And as if the Gods are against this union, every single thing you do or say somehow, IS going to turn out wrong, it’s a given!

What is it about ‘relationships’ that makes these perfectly harmonious adults turn into abusive, possessive, expectational, irrational, insensitive, uncommunicable, pain in the arses?
What makes two intelligent, considerate and loving ADULTS, act so inhumanely towards each other? (Nat Geo are u reading this?)

And finally when you decide to give all this pain and anguish a break and decide to break up and move on, what comes next? More pain!
Nothing is as painful, not even a root canal, compared to getting over some one. It doesn’t matter if you just knew the person for a month or a decade it hurts just as much. And then starts the routine of doubts, denial, self-pity, confusion, optimism and hope. And just when you think you have forgotten that someone and you are ready to move on, just when you have decided that you have learnt from your mistakes and swear to consider all men and women as your brothers and sisters, you meet Mr.Right (#12453) and the whole cycle repeats.

Is it really worth the trouble?

What is wrong with being ‘just friends’?

What is wrong with staying uncommitted?

What is wrong in investing all that time, energy, patience and money, into family, friends, work and the future?

What is wrong with staying single?

A piece of advice, never turn you friend into your boyfriend, unless that’s the last time you expect to see him, as a good friend!

PS: The gyan and related bullshit, that I had gathered over ‘why a relationship doesn’t work’, has been intentionally omitted, because nothing beats learning from your own mistakes. So happy f****in-up your life!

Never had this much fun laughing at ourselves!

Driving in India
A Hilarious Account

I visited Mumbai recently and agree with the observations about driving. For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the results to your insurance company.

The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess.

1. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
   
2. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
   
3. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
   
4. Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts) or just to mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
   
5. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rain waters to recede when over-ground traffic meets underground drainage.
   
6. Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Genghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver and the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop; his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads.
   
   During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are a greater threat.) Only, you will often observe that the cleaner that sits next to the driver will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot day.
   
   Occasionally you might see what looks like an UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrim buses go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Unique to Indian traffic:

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi)

The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare.

After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds

The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes

Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem (hell). There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street

These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.

Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence
and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am - when the police have gone home. The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries ?

-By Mohan Dadlani

Now presenting at a corner near you!

‘Whackos in my life’.

A mini series documenting those extraordinary individuals in my life, who make every day a struggle for survival! The general rules of logic, reasoning, personal space and privacy, don’t apply to them. Considering that I am a highly opinionated, hardly patient, super bitch, it takes immense patience and drop in IQ levels for me reasoning with these kinds. So I am going to take out my frustration by bitching about them!

Statutory reminder: Any resemblance to anybody living and still continuing to live, is purely intentional.

Whacko #1:

Lets call it the WHY-FLY.

Yup something like Wi-Fi, but less technical and more toxic.

WHY-FLY seems very innocent and knowledgeable in the first encounter and then it opens its mouth.

That’s when, a lotta sane people run for cover and the saner people dig a hole and bury themselves, and lay a truckload of cement on it. There’s not a topic in this galaxy that it wouldn’t want to enlighten you with, the only problem is that the listener usually wants to run into the nearest sharp object or has violent spasms. Ofcourse, it doesn’t matter to the WHY_FLY that we never asked for the insight aka axa-blade, in the first place!

Anyways, the winning reason for WHY this phenomenon is in my Whackos category is also for the ‘WHY’ disease. Considering that it 'apparently' knows everything on this planet, it still has this strange affliction for asking questions and a lotta questions. Its not any question mind you. These are the world’s best, one of a kind, silliest of the silly questions. There’s only one category we can classify them into, mindless junk, like:

Why is ABCs hair curly?

Why are the folders shaped like a rectangle?

Why do u sit with your back resting on the chair?

Why?
Whyyyy?
Whyyyyyyyy?

Well those who make a mistake of reasoning these unreasonable questions, soon learn that logic and reasoning just committed suicide!

Since the two years that I know it, it has never changed and god save us all!

Coming soon, Whacko #2, the intruder, unsurpassed!

Wanna know what I am thinking right now?

• If something which took two and half years to unfold was rehashed in just one and a half months, does that mean you are mature and grown up or is life smacking you on the face and laughing its arse off?

• 2. Why are sarcastic funny one-liners appreciated only on TV/movies? Most of mine are wasted on ignorant fools. I need a laugh track for my life, atleast to remind them that they need to ROTFL, right then.

• 3. “How much is too much?” .

This is gonna be my life’s quest from today.

• 4. TGIF

Tagged .... grrrrr!

Yup my 'Time-please' didnt work on Su!
Ok dont scratch your heads over this.

I have been tagged by the 'Holy Cow' herself!

And this is what I was to do.

1. Delve into your blog archive
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to)
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to)
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions
5. Tag five people to do the same

And this is the rough estimate:

I have scaled the mount everest, I have travelled across the sahara using snow dogs and reached the south pole on a bicycle, I have travelled around this planet in three dimensions, I have.. I have I have.. oh yes I have ........


Five people i tag are:
Suderman, Eliiee the pee, Deppe, Naveen and Saj
[evil grin]