Thursday, September 15, 2005

Why me Lord?

I have been having this raging debate about one of the mails I forwarded to a mutual friends yahoo groups. The mail was a comparison between the relief efforts taken after the Mumbai floods and Katrina (the hurricane, you moron)!

The mail claimed that we (Indians) were the winners on the basis of faster action, lesser deaths and better relief measures. The debate started right then, that the mail was illogical and immature, to pitch two natural disasters against each other to claim national superiority! Anyways I will spare you the details of the debate and come to the point of this blog. (Just that you know, my stand was Government apathy and theirs was nail L*J to the tree!!)

What started out as a patriotic ego boost, ended up shaking me up completely!

Right now the entire debate has become futile, I don’t even care if I win or lose! What I do care about is my life, my family’s life, my city, my people, my country, etc etc!

After reading about the Apathy the Bush government showed while handling this disaster, a lotta my values and beliefs have been shaken up.

I have been overwhelmed by fear, pity, anger and despair! Fear of being unprepared and gullible, pity on those who are suffering these things, anger because my life is nothing to the government/ society/ world/ all galaxies and despair because in natures eyes none of these discriminations matter, her fury is impartial!

Since the time I could read and think (yup it started only when I started collecting garbage from outside), I have always thought about how insignificant I am. My science teacher etched this fact in me quite well by saying that I am a pili on a bacteria, nuzzled under the appendage of a moth, floating on the drop of water, resting on the leaf of a giant red wood, in the Americas, if the galaxies were our milky way!

I know I am that insignificant in this giant make of things!

But I know I am valuable inspite of my laziness, ignorance, hopelessness and uselessness, I don’t know how I am important but I AM, ok? No dispute there. (Here ‘I’ is everybody Ofcourse, haha )! And this ‘me’ will be gone in a poof because of someone’s gradation of whether I am important or not!

Now I could go on about what’s lacking in Indian government, how people are not involved, what’s wrong with our society, blah blah blah!

But I am not gonna do that, I am just gonna conclude by saying “Each woman/man for themself”

Your life is too precious to be protected by family, society, government or humanity! Protect yourselves. Get a gun, buy a boat, build an underground safe house, rent an island and make a pact with god or the devil whoever suits your final destination. (I mean what’s the point in going to heaven if you cant be bad, right?)

Now you are asking, ‘Okay L*J so far I have read your ranting but, what’s the point?’
The point is simple-

Don’t get philosophical and blabber about your insignificance and fragility of human life!

You know why? Because thinking about these things will kill you faster than the actual things itself.

So enjoy the small things in life, help out your brethren in need and believe equality is not skin deep.


Tuesday, September 13, 2005


What if some looooooooooooong lost acquaintance of yours, who you met for a miilisecond, ages ago, who is a friends friends friends friend, calls you up, bugs you day and night asking you to meet him and finally when you give in and decide to meet him, the ONLY thing he talks about is 'what are the job prospects in the field that you are working in?' ( since his sister has just joined college).
And then, yes there is more, asks you to pay for his lunch?

Will that get you pissed?

A page from “Weirdos in my Life”

-A semi-autobiographical epic saga, by L*J

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Sheeeesh Was that Sad!

You know guys, the best source of high in the world is a shandy of beer and sadness! Yes you heard it right, two pints of beer and a heart full of sadness gets you sooooooo bloody high, actually more than the same two pints of beer and rollicking laughter!

I know all you kindhearted people are wondering why is LJ sad? Boooohooooo, I’m sad cos one of my best friends who also happens to be one of my coolest colleague and partner in crime, is moving out of Bangalore. He is gonna be a PhD in a few years and I am really truly happy for this dude! But then he also happens to be in this big list of friends who ditched Bangalore in search of greener pasture. And I am left behind all alone to chuck peanuts at strangers on MG road!

If this isn’t sad then what is?

Anyways, so yesterday we were in this place that Su calls ‘home’, drowning our sorrow and celebrating his good luck(he is one of the two who were selected from 2500 people! Way to go dude), and a great career n life ahead. And since it was’nt yet the weekend, I couldn’t get too drunk. So I just had two pints.

Insight Huddle:

Long gone are the days, when I used to see the stars after half a mug of beer(Oh those days)! Nowadays getting sloshed is a costly affair. And since I am a serious beer fan I have always been faithful to my mojo, my beer!

But last night was different I was riding the highway to hell just after two? Haaaain?

Now that both scared and amused me. Scared because this aint happened in a very looooooooooong time and amused because my English hadn’t sounded like German, in centuries!

And all this because I was sad and a lil happy just for garnish! Too sad is too bad you see and I cant do that, because I love my life, no matter how hard it kicks me sometimes!

Anyways people heres a worthy tip throw your razors out, grow that dirty beard, don that matted hair, grab a bottle and start singing like Devdas!!

And call me when you do because I am gonna laugh my ass out watching you guys do that … haha

Ps:BTW a blonde firang was checking me out all night and even waved goodbye when he/she left! The only problem is neither me nor my friends could tell if it was a guy or a gal...hmmmm!

Morning morning!!

Watta pretty pretty Bangalore morning. The suns held hostage by the clouds and there’s that dreamy creamy dawning light everywhere. Oh that fresh breeze, bringing in the aromas of pressure washed trees and roads (It rained last night), the heady morning coffee and the sweet (imaginary) smiles of my family.

Perfect! This day can never go bad…

Screeeeeeeeeech! Did I just say that too early? Gaaawd DAAAIMn it! Did I? diD I?

Now don’t wonder what happened this morning because I am gonna tell you …THAT DAAAAIMND Sandarshini guy next to my office, that’s what happened!!


Ok here’s the gist of the blog, morning morning I drop by at this Sandarshini for a peaceful breakfast of Idly and vada, and the waiter there refused to give me an extra ‘katori’ of sambhar.

I don’t know what’s with these restaurants in this side of town, they either bathe my idli with barrels of sambhar or fill a ‘micro-katori’ with two microns of sambhar and hand me a feather to paint my idly!!!!

What’s the DEAL people?

People like me who like their idli tasting like idli and sambhar tasting like sambhar, cant take this gruel, which tastes like last nights fish fry and cockroach! (Don’t ask me when did I, taste that?)

So I usually give waiters expert opinion about how the Idli and sambhar can be skillfully isolated by this magical invention called ‘Katori’!

This guy was obliging enough to glare at me and fill a tiny ‘katori’ with sambhar. And when the thought of walking back to him for a refill seemed too much of a hassle, I asked him for one more, which he plainly refused and asked me to come back when its empty. Wadddaaaaa *&$(#$*@$&(#@$#%^!@&#%^%!@!!

Anyways I foresaw a tragic end to my ‘pretty pretty’ morning, so instead of taking violent decisions™ I just stood there standing my ground! But he just ignored my demanding stare, completely!! (Grrrrrrr….)

Since I was really hungry and late to work, I didn’t bother showering abuses at him right then!! (Which on second thought seems like a very bad idea, because if I did, I would have moved on in life and spared you guys this melodrama)

Time for insight people, huddle up- I am not the kind of person who allows strangers to do/say whatever nonsense they want and let them get away with it. I am the kind who is in the “Most Unwanted List” of auto guys because I have had fights with atleast a 100 of them! My sooper fine lazer sharp stares have warded off many a jerk! I have slapped eve teasers and sacrificed my slippers to *(&(#*&*(#$ bump-ers! I can give any auto or bus driver a run for his money in the department of colloquial abuses! I just can’t take shit from people, period!

But I couldn’t let this guy ruin my ‘pretty pretty’ day! So I took my emaciated idly and constipated vada back to my table all the way muttering under my breath. I even thought about Brad Pitt in a thong just to distract myself, but the midget in my head wasn’t giving up. I could envision myself pulling out a bazooka and blowing off brain flakes of that guy, but…

Yeah I know, you are wondering, all this aggression, just because a guy snubbed me and refused to give me something I paid for? Provided bad service? Irritated me? Increased my BP? Made me prone to heart disease? Aged me earlier by a few weeks and RUINED MY DAY even before it began? Yes, I AM Pisshed and I don’t give a DAAAAIM!

Anyways I didn’t blow his brain; rather I just stuffed my mouth with that heart clogging vada and walked back to my office expecting a sooper painful Thursday!

Hmmmm…I know you are thinking, this story has no substance, it goes nowhere, you don’t care what happened and etc etc!

Well then welcome to my pretty pretty Thursday morning! (grin)

Now pull out your stones, bones and arrows, elephants, tanks and pigs and follow me to that Sandarshini! And if you are not free today, do mention when you are free in my comments and we can work out a convenient schedule?

Till then I hope you all have a great day and stay away from fluorescent pigeons, because the last I heard their radioactive poop makes people cha cha cha around flyovers, creating huge traffic jams and angry citizens, who go around selling vanaspathi instead of madren bread and ruin the tea which effects the economy of Namibia, which directly effects the ozone layer in Timbuctoo and provokes Bush to declare war on countries who don’t do the cha cha cha!

See how things are related?

Have a good day (more grin)

PS: Just back from lunch and the waiter pushed us out of the restaurant before we could sit. He said he is cleaning it (I wonder what the ‘it’ was and why was ‘it’ in a restaurant!). And then he took the order after 15min, yes I aint kidding FIFTEEN bl@@dy minutes and to add to it, he asked us to move to another table cos we were four and were sitting in a table for five! I showed him my choicest ‘finger’ and he got us the meal, bill and all!

Now this is too bizarre for a coincidence!
Should I skip dinner?