Calvinism

At last here's a collection of few of my fav CnH lines. The list hopefully will keep growing ;)



"Reality continues to ruin my life."

"Happiness isn't good enough for me! I DEMAND euphoria!"

Mom: "What would make you DO something like this??"
C: "Poor genetic material?"

"Hi Susie, What do you have for lunch today?"

"Life's too darn short to waste time trying to please every meddlesome moron who's got an idea how I ought to be."

"The surest sign that Intelligent Life exists is it hasn't tried to contact us."

'The best way to enjoy your job is to have a hobby thats even worse."

C: I've been thinking, Hobbes.
H: On a weekend?
C: Well, it wasn't on purpose...

Hobbes: "So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?"
Calvin: "Right. We should take pride in our mediocrity"

ACHOOO!!"Uh-oh, I'm leaking brain fluid"

"The problem with me is I have too much knowledge on very irrelevant things"

"The thing about life is its never so bad that it cant get worse"

"Mathematics is a religion and as an atheist I should be dismissed from it"

"Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prision... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat." (To Moe)

"I don't NEED to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway"

"You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!"

"Do I need a reason for everything?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"Your simian countenance suggests a heritage that is unusually rich in species diversity." (To Moe)

"I cannot answer that question as it is against my religious principles"

"I don't want to be victimised by the notions of virtuous behavior"

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept"

"I let my mind wander and it didn't come back"

"Childhood is short maturity is forever"

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning."

"Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination."

"Gravity is arbitrary"

"Mothers are the necessity of invention"

"I'd like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it's less wasteful"

"Given that, sooner or later, we're all just going to die, what's the point of learning about integers?"

"My life needs a rewind/erase button"

"What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?"

"Ouchywawa. I've gotta a big owwy boo boo on my pinky"

"Life is full of surprises, But never when you need one."

Calvin's prayer :- "The strength to change what i can, the inability to accept what i cant and the incapacity to tell the difference"

Calvin: Psst... Susie! What's the answer to question four?
Susie: Imadoofus.
Calvin: Thanks!
Calvin: The tooth fairy's gonna make you rich tonight, Susie.


"maybe heaven is a place where you're allowed to be bad"

"What on earth am I doing in here on this beautiful day?! This is the only life I've got!!"

"I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing."

"Why should I have to work for everything ? its like saying i dont deserve it.."

"People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children."

"I was put on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind I will never die."

" Maybe heaven is a place where you are allowed to be bad"

" Our country was founded a very long time ago, roughly around 200 B.C."
"200 B.C. ?"
"Before Calvin"

Mom: What would make you do something like this?
Calvin: Poor genetic material?

"I´d hate to have a kid like me!'

Teacher: Someone have any question?
Calvin: What's the meaning of life?

I told her to expect you to deny everything.

Calvin: Mom can you gives us a ride to the mall.
Mom:Calvin, it's only two blocks away, What do you think you have your feet for?
Calvin: To step on the gas!


Dear Santa,
Last year I asked for a long-range thermo-nuclear 'smart' missile and a launcher
Instead, I got socks and a shirt. Obviuosly you mixed up my order with someone else's.
Let's get with the program, huh?!
"Just because he gives the stuff away free, he thinks he can get away with an incompetent organisatio

These pictures will remind us of more than we want to remember.
-- Calvin's Mom

See, it all makes sense. See? See?? They never see.

There's no problem so aweful that you cant add some guilt to it and make it
even worse

I don't need to do a better job. I need better P.R. on the job I DO

Now I'm here, and history is vindicated.


I'm staying in bed until christmas. I figure my chances of being good improve greatly if I don't get up.

I'b bleedig! By ode dad id trying to GILL me! I'b nod playig badeball eddy more! Nebber again! I hade it! All by charagder
id drippig out by node!

I'd say that crossed the line from ironic coincidence to evil omen.

Math is like magic. you have 2 numbers. you put some signs in between them and magically another number appears.
As a MATH ATHEIST i should be excused from doing this problem.

Mrs Wormwood: Which state do you live in?
Calvin: Denial.

Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious
that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an
occasional bleak truth?

"Oh, great altar of passive entertainment... Bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear
thought impossible!"

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not
worth knowing anyway."

"True friends are hard to come by...I need more money."

test:what is the importance of the erie canal..?
calvin:in the cosmic sense,probably nill..!!!

"HEY DAD.. IT'S THREE A.M ... GUESS WHERE I AM??"

Dad: Calvin, it's time i start giving u an allowance.
Calvin:Muahahahaha.. .money....power...Muahahaha!!!

His train of thought is still boarding at the station.

I am not bad, I am just exuberant

I GOT TO GET A STUNT DOUBLE.

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want!

test paper: explain newton's first law in your own words
calvin: blurrb kazzaxzk mumblefgs dhgddfgn#$^$645
I love loopholes!

I am a misunderstood genius ... no one thinks that I am genius.

"Houston, we have a negative on that orbit trajectory"

" You always get more attention when people think that you are upto something"

"The strange thing about the past is that it keeps coming back"

Nothing spoils fun like knowing that it builds character

I dont need parents all I need is a recording that says "Go play outside!!"

I asked mom if i was a gifted child,.... She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me
You can relate this little story when the reporters ask how i went bad.

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."

"Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over"

Calvin: I'm working on my lines. Being an onion is not easy you know. What are you?
Susie: I'm fat.
Calvin: No I mean in the play...

Hobbes: Do you have an idea for your story yet?.
Calvin: NO I'm waiting for inspiration.
Calvin: You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?.
Calvin : LAST MINUTE PANIC

I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.

Nothing I do is my fault. My family is dysfunctional and my parents won't empower me! Consequently, I'm not self
actualized! My behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic codependency! I need holistic healing and
wellness before I accept any responsibility for my actions!

If you do a job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.

Hobbes about pronoun: A noun thats lost it's amateur status!

C: Mom, can I have another plate?
M: Why?
C: Well, somebody just puked on mine.

It's a magical world, Hobbes ol' buddy, let's go exploring!


For some more:
http://mongers.org/jokes/calvin
http://www.generationterrorists.com/quotes/calvinandhobbes.html


Thanks Orkut